Parents are the greatest advocates for you as an infant. They are there to protect you from harm, look out for your best interests and guide you toward the finer things in life. As an infant, you don’t know right from wrong and parents are there to help direct you. I was blessed to have parents that worked two to three jobs to ensure that the family was taken care of. I knew that I had loving and caring parents who tucked me in every night and made it known that they loved me. It was until I was about 9 years old that I knew my parents were different from other parents.
My parents migrated from Laos and were very fortunate to have found a church that sponsored them to come to America to start a new life. Shortly after their arrival to the U.S., I was born and became the baby of the family and a sister to two older brothers. I also happened to be the first baby girl in my family. Growing up, I was surrounded by my boy cousins who were around my age and it didn’t bother me that I was the only girl. I would play video games with them, go roll around in the dirt, play basketball, and throw the football around. My parents were okay with the idea of me hanging out with the boys only if they looked after me and made sure I didn’t get kidnapped (they may have been watching the news too much). As a young child, I remember always spending the night over at my cousin’s house and waking up bright and early to watch Saturday morning cartoons. This happened every weekend and my parents didn’t mind that I was spending the night. As I entered the fifth grade, I noticed changes in my parent’s demeanor and how they seemed to hover over every move I made. There was a time in the fifth grade where I really wanted to go to the community swimming pool with my teacher and a couple classmates. The pool was free after 8 P.M. and I knew that it was way too late for me to go out. I told my teacher that they would not let me go even though I hadn’t even asked yet. Mr. Huggins, an admirable and kind teacher, actually came to my house (I lived across the street) to personally ask my parents if I could go. My parents were hesitant at first but allowed me to go because my teacher would be responsible for us. I remembered going through a lot of trouble and pressure from my classmates to ask my parents if I could go. I also remembered feeling like I was the only kid with parents who were so uptight because my schoolmates were allowed to go every Friday to the community pool. It doesn’t seem like a big deal now, but it was when I was a kid.
As I got to the age of 11, my parents didn’t want me to spend the night over at my cousin’s house anymore. They simply told me it was because I, “was a girl” and I shouldn’t be “sleeping around” wait, what? I was completely shocked, after all these years my parents were okay with me spending the night and it was no big deal. This confused me because I was still a child, it didn’t register in my mind that because I was a girl, I could no longer sleep over. I was mad, annoyed and beyond irritated. What did me being a girl have anything to do with spending time with my cousins? It just didn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t do much more about it and didn’t even bother to put up a fight. Seventh grade came along and I could feel a rebellious stage coming. I made new friends but the friends that I made were in no way, shape, or form beneficial to me. By the time I got to the eighth grade, my ‘friends’ had influenced me so much that I starting talking back to teachers, I snuck out to hang out with friends, I took the bus to Downtown, talked back to my parents, my grades steadily declined and I just didn’t care what my parents thought about me anymore. They had such high standards for me that I felt like if I wasn’t meeting them already, what’s the point? I went through phases where I convinced myself that they didn’t care about me because they wouldn’t let me go out. I hated them for making me come home after school to do nothing while my friends were out. My parents made me follow them every weekend because they didn’t want to leave me at home bored, but frankly all I wanted to do was stay home as long as I wasn’t around them. I started to grow a love/hate relationship with my Dad because he controlled my life so much. My Mom seemed to play the good guy while my Dad didn’t seem to mind playing the bad guy. I remember I got into so much trouble because I came home at 10 P.M. on a Friday night and my parents called and called all evening even though I told them where I was. My Dad was never good at staying calm so to get his point across, like a child, started throwing a tantrum, punched, kicked, and screamed at the wall. I guess it was his way of trying to scare me, it worked, but only for a little while. I was in my rebellious teenager phase and didn’t care what my Dad had to say. I learned to lie so much about so many different things just so they would let me go out, I lied about who I was with, where I was going, what I was doing, anything I could think of just so that I could leave. There were plenty of times when I told them that I would be staying after school to do homework or study. At the time, I didn’t care what I was telling them, as a teenager I needed my freedom; I was selfish and wanted everything my way. I feel like because of my parent’s way of trying to control me, I figured the only way for them to let me go out was to be deceptive.
Throughout my freshman year of high school, my rebellious ways weren’t as bad as they used to be. I still had the same troubles about going to hang out with friends and attending school functions. I still felt like they were treating me like a child. Once I got to my sophomore year of high school, I really focused, got my grades up, and dropped the friends that I had so I could focus on myself. Something inside me just figured that what I was doing was not working and I really wanted to change my attitude to better myself. I learned that I didn’t need my parent’s approval, I just needed my approval. My parents were overprotective and so strict I was unable to do anything fun and productive. I thought, “why not join a sports team?” I joined my high schools softball team and loved it so much that I played until my senior year of high school. I found something that I loved to play and it was fun for me. It gave me time away from my parents and time away to just play and have fun without anyone telling me no.
My parents were negative and they tried to be subtle about it. I knew whatever I did would never be good enough and it brought a damper on my outlook of life. They always nitpicked about how I looked, how I dressed, what I ate, what I was currently doing at the moment, why wasn’t I reading more, why I was so skinny, and just about every little thing. It went on like this since middle school. I know that my parents love me but I feel like they were smothering me with their love. I had no room to grow and learn to be myself. Now that I don’t live with them or see them as often, it’s so nice to not be constantly reminded of my imperfections. I have learned to be ok with my imperfections. I have learned to worry less because seeing my parents worry about me so much did not benefit anyone. I know that when I have children, I will not carry over the cycle of negativity and being so strict that it hinders their outlook on life. It’s so much easier to live life and not constantly worry about not meeting my parent’s expectations.
My parents migrated from Laos and were very fortunate to have found a church that sponsored them to come to America to start a new life. Shortly after their arrival to the U.S., I was born and became the baby of the family and a sister to two older brothers. I also happened to be the first baby girl in my family. Growing up, I was surrounded by my boy cousins who were around my age and it didn’t bother me that I was the only girl. I would play video games with them, go roll around in the dirt, play basketball, and throw the football around. My parents were okay with the idea of me hanging out with the boys only if they looked after me and made sure I didn’t get kidnapped (they may have been watching the news too much). As a young child, I remember always spending the night over at my cousin’s house and waking up bright and early to watch Saturday morning cartoons. This happened every weekend and my parents didn’t mind that I was spending the night. As I entered the fifth grade, I noticed changes in my parent’s demeanor and how they seemed to hover over every move I made. There was a time in the fifth grade where I really wanted to go to the community swimming pool with my teacher and a couple classmates. The pool was free after 8 P.M. and I knew that it was way too late for me to go out. I told my teacher that they would not let me go even though I hadn’t even asked yet. Mr. Huggins, an admirable and kind teacher, actually came to my house (I lived across the street) to personally ask my parents if I could go. My parents were hesitant at first but allowed me to go because my teacher would be responsible for us. I remembered going through a lot of trouble and pressure from my classmates to ask my parents if I could go. I also remembered feeling like I was the only kid with parents who were so uptight because my schoolmates were allowed to go every Friday to the community pool. It doesn’t seem like a big deal now, but it was when I was a kid.
As I got to the age of 11, my parents didn’t want me to spend the night over at my cousin’s house anymore. They simply told me it was because I, “was a girl” and I shouldn’t be “sleeping around” wait, what? I was completely shocked, after all these years my parents were okay with me spending the night and it was no big deal. This confused me because I was still a child, it didn’t register in my mind that because I was a girl, I could no longer sleep over. I was mad, annoyed and beyond irritated. What did me being a girl have anything to do with spending time with my cousins? It just didn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t do much more about it and didn’t even bother to put up a fight. Seventh grade came along and I could feel a rebellious stage coming. I made new friends but the friends that I made were in no way, shape, or form beneficial to me. By the time I got to the eighth grade, my ‘friends’ had influenced me so much that I starting talking back to teachers, I snuck out to hang out with friends, I took the bus to Downtown, talked back to my parents, my grades steadily declined and I just didn’t care what my parents thought about me anymore. They had such high standards for me that I felt like if I wasn’t meeting them already, what’s the point? I went through phases where I convinced myself that they didn’t care about me because they wouldn’t let me go out. I hated them for making me come home after school to do nothing while my friends were out. My parents made me follow them every weekend because they didn’t want to leave me at home bored, but frankly all I wanted to do was stay home as long as I wasn’t around them. I started to grow a love/hate relationship with my Dad because he controlled my life so much. My Mom seemed to play the good guy while my Dad didn’t seem to mind playing the bad guy. I remember I got into so much trouble because I came home at 10 P.M. on a Friday night and my parents called and called all evening even though I told them where I was. My Dad was never good at staying calm so to get his point across, like a child, started throwing a tantrum, punched, kicked, and screamed at the wall. I guess it was his way of trying to scare me, it worked, but only for a little while. I was in my rebellious teenager phase and didn’t care what my Dad had to say. I learned to lie so much about so many different things just so they would let me go out, I lied about who I was with, where I was going, what I was doing, anything I could think of just so that I could leave. There were plenty of times when I told them that I would be staying after school to do homework or study. At the time, I didn’t care what I was telling them, as a teenager I needed my freedom; I was selfish and wanted everything my way. I feel like because of my parent’s way of trying to control me, I figured the only way for them to let me go out was to be deceptive.
Throughout my freshman year of high school, my rebellious ways weren’t as bad as they used to be. I still had the same troubles about going to hang out with friends and attending school functions. I still felt like they were treating me like a child. Once I got to my sophomore year of high school, I really focused, got my grades up, and dropped the friends that I had so I could focus on myself. Something inside me just figured that what I was doing was not working and I really wanted to change my attitude to better myself. I learned that I didn’t need my parent’s approval, I just needed my approval. My parents were overprotective and so strict I was unable to do anything fun and productive. I thought, “why not join a sports team?” I joined my high schools softball team and loved it so much that I played until my senior year of high school. I found something that I loved to play and it was fun for me. It gave me time away from my parents and time away to just play and have fun without anyone telling me no.
My parents were negative and they tried to be subtle about it. I knew whatever I did would never be good enough and it brought a damper on my outlook of life. They always nitpicked about how I looked, how I dressed, what I ate, what I was currently doing at the moment, why wasn’t I reading more, why I was so skinny, and just about every little thing. It went on like this since middle school. I know that my parents love me but I feel like they were smothering me with their love. I had no room to grow and learn to be myself. Now that I don’t live with them or see them as often, it’s so nice to not be constantly reminded of my imperfections. I have learned to be ok with my imperfections. I have learned to worry less because seeing my parents worry about me so much did not benefit anyone. I know that when I have children, I will not carry over the cycle of negativity and being so strict that it hinders their outlook on life. It’s so much easier to live life and not constantly worry about not meeting my parent’s expectations.
Good work--already a very powerful draft!
ReplyDeletelove it Alice, I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this!
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