Alice Rattananongsy
Dr. Sonia Begert
English 101
January 28, 2013
Parents are the greatest advocates for you as an infant. They are there to protect you from harm, look out for your best interests, and guide you toward the finer things in life. As an infant, you don’t know right from wrong and parents are there to help direct you. I was blessed to have parents that worked two to three jobs to ensure that our family was taken care of. I knew that I had loving and caring parents who tucked me in every night and made it known that they loved me. At the age of 9 I began realizing my parents were different from other parents.
My parents migrated from Laos and were very fortunate to have found a church that sponsored them to come to America to start a new life. Shortly after their arrival to the U.S., my mother gave birth to me. I was the first and only girl in my family with two older brothers. Growing up I was surrounded by male cousins of the same age and it never bothered me that I was the only girl. I played video games, rolled around in the dirt, played basketball, and tossed the football around. My parents were okay with the idea of me hanging out with the boys as long as they looked after me and made sure that I didn’t get kidnapped (they were very dramatic). As a young child, I remember routinely spending the night at my cousins’ house and waking up bright and early to watch Saturday morning cartoons. As I entered the fifth grade, I noticed changes in my parents’ demeanor and how they seemed to hover over every move that I made. For example, in the fifth grade I really wanted to go to the community swimming pool with my teacher and several classmates. The pool was free after 8 P.M. and I knew that it was way too late for me to go out. Prior to me even asking for permission, I told my teacher that I wouldn’t be able to go. Mr. Huggins, an admirable and kind teacher, actually came to my house (I lived across the street) to personally ask my parents if I could go. My parents were initially hesitant but allowed me to go because I was under the direct supervision of my teacher. I felt troubled and pressured about the whole ordeal because of my peers. I felt like I was the only kid with uptight parents because my schoolmates were allowed to go out every Friday to the pool. It’s obviously not a big deal now, but it seemed like it was the end of the world when I was a kid.
As I turned 11, my parents didn’t want me spending the night at my cousins’ house anymore. They simply told me it was because I was a girl and I shouldn’t be sleeping around. Wait—what!? I was completely shocked. After all these years, my parents had always been okay with me spending the night. This confused me because I was still a child. It didn’t register to me that because I was a girl, I was no longer able to sleep over. I was mad, annoyed, and beyond irritated. What did me being a girl have anything to do with spending time with my cousins? Why were my brothers allowed to sleep over at their friends’ houses? It simply did not make sense to me. I felt helpless and barely put up a fight.
Seventh grade came along and I felt a rebellious stage approaching. I made new friends that were in no way, shape, or form beneficial for me. By the time I got to the eighth grade, my ‘friends’ had influenced me so much that I started talking back to teachers, sneaking out to hang out with friends, talking back to my parents, and skipping school. I thought it was cool to rebel against my parents. My grades started to decline and I didn’t care what my parents thought about me. I went through phases where I convinced myself that they didn’t care about me because they wouldn’t let me go out and do what I wanted. I hated them for making me come home straight after school to do nothing while my friends went out. They made me follow them around every weekend because they didn’t want to leave me at home but frankly, all I wanted to do was stay away from them. I started to grow a love/hate relationship with my dad because he was so controlling. My mom played the good cop while my dad played the bad cop. My parents never told me that I had a curfew and I remember getting into so much trouble one Friday evening because I came home at 10 P.M., even after I told them where I was. My dad was never good at staying calm and to scare me into changing my rebellious ways, he would throw a huge temper tantrum like a child. He managed to punch a hole in the wall while screaming and throwing curse words into the mix. It was a horrific scene at the age of 12 and I knew that this would be the result every time I did something bad. I was in my rebellious teenager phase and didn’t care what my dad had to say. I began lying so much about so many different things just so I could go out. I lied about who I was with, where I was going, what I was doing, and saying anything I could think of just so that I could leave. I didn’t care what I was telling them because I was a teenager that needed my freedom. I was selfish and wanted everything my way. I feel like because of my parents’ way of trying to control me, I figured the only way for them to let me go out was to be deceptive.
Throughout my freshman year of high school, my rebellious ways weren’t as bad as they used to be. I still had the same troubles of going out with friends and attending school functions. Once I began sophomore year, I began to prioritize my life. I segregated myself from bad influences, improved my grades and started to better myself. Something inside me clicked, I figured that what I was doing was not working and I needed to change my attitude. I learned that I didn’t need my parent’s approval, but rather my approval. My parents were so overprotective and strict that I was unable to do anything fun and productive. I thought, “why not join a sports team?” I joined my high schools’ softball team and loved it so much I played until my senior year of high school. I found something that I loved and embraced it. It gave me time away from my parents, time away for myself, and a good time without anyone telling me no.
My parents were negative and they tried to be subtle about it. I knew whatever I did would never be good enough and it dampened my outlook of life. They nitpicked about how I looked, how I dressed, what I ate, what I was currently doing at the moment, why wasn’t I reading more, why I was so skinny and every other little thing. I knew that my parents loved me but I felt like they smothered me with their love. I had no room to grow and become my own person. Now that I don’t live with them, it’s nice to not be constantly reminded of my imperfections. I am learning to love myself along with my flaws but it has not been an easy task. I have learned to not worry so much and to live life knowing that there will be uncontrollable circumstances that I will encounter. I know that when I have children of my own, I will not carry over the cycle of negativity and strictness so that it hinders their outlook on life. It is much easier to live life not constantly worrying about not meeting my parent’s expectations, but rather my own.
Dr. Sonia Begert
English 101
January 28, 2013
Parents are the greatest advocates for you as an infant. They are there to protect you from harm, look out for your best interests, and guide you toward the finer things in life. As an infant, you don’t know right from wrong and parents are there to help direct you. I was blessed to have parents that worked two to three jobs to ensure that our family was taken care of. I knew that I had loving and caring parents who tucked me in every night and made it known that they loved me. At the age of 9 I began realizing my parents were different from other parents.
My parents migrated from Laos and were very fortunate to have found a church that sponsored them to come to America to start a new life. Shortly after their arrival to the U.S., my mother gave birth to me. I was the first and only girl in my family with two older brothers. Growing up I was surrounded by male cousins of the same age and it never bothered me that I was the only girl. I played video games, rolled around in the dirt, played basketball, and tossed the football around. My parents were okay with the idea of me hanging out with the boys as long as they looked after me and made sure that I didn’t get kidnapped (they were very dramatic). As a young child, I remember routinely spending the night at my cousins’ house and waking up bright and early to watch Saturday morning cartoons. As I entered the fifth grade, I noticed changes in my parents’ demeanor and how they seemed to hover over every move that I made. For example, in the fifth grade I really wanted to go to the community swimming pool with my teacher and several classmates. The pool was free after 8 P.M. and I knew that it was way too late for me to go out. Prior to me even asking for permission, I told my teacher that I wouldn’t be able to go. Mr. Huggins, an admirable and kind teacher, actually came to my house (I lived across the street) to personally ask my parents if I could go. My parents were initially hesitant but allowed me to go because I was under the direct supervision of my teacher. I felt troubled and pressured about the whole ordeal because of my peers. I felt like I was the only kid with uptight parents because my schoolmates were allowed to go out every Friday to the pool. It’s obviously not a big deal now, but it seemed like it was the end of the world when I was a kid.
As I turned 11, my parents didn’t want me spending the night at my cousins’ house anymore. They simply told me it was because I was a girl and I shouldn’t be sleeping around. Wait—what!? I was completely shocked. After all these years, my parents had always been okay with me spending the night. This confused me because I was still a child. It didn’t register to me that because I was a girl, I was no longer able to sleep over. I was mad, annoyed, and beyond irritated. What did me being a girl have anything to do with spending time with my cousins? Why were my brothers allowed to sleep over at their friends’ houses? It simply did not make sense to me. I felt helpless and barely put up a fight.
Seventh grade came along and I felt a rebellious stage approaching. I made new friends that were in no way, shape, or form beneficial for me. By the time I got to the eighth grade, my ‘friends’ had influenced me so much that I started talking back to teachers, sneaking out to hang out with friends, talking back to my parents, and skipping school. I thought it was cool to rebel against my parents. My grades started to decline and I didn’t care what my parents thought about me. I went through phases where I convinced myself that they didn’t care about me because they wouldn’t let me go out and do what I wanted. I hated them for making me come home straight after school to do nothing while my friends went out. They made me follow them around every weekend because they didn’t want to leave me at home but frankly, all I wanted to do was stay away from them. I started to grow a love/hate relationship with my dad because he was so controlling. My mom played the good cop while my dad played the bad cop. My parents never told me that I had a curfew and I remember getting into so much trouble one Friday evening because I came home at 10 P.M., even after I told them where I was. My dad was never good at staying calm and to scare me into changing my rebellious ways, he would throw a huge temper tantrum like a child. He managed to punch a hole in the wall while screaming and throwing curse words into the mix. It was a horrific scene at the age of 12 and I knew that this would be the result every time I did something bad. I was in my rebellious teenager phase and didn’t care what my dad had to say. I began lying so much about so many different things just so I could go out. I lied about who I was with, where I was going, what I was doing, and saying anything I could think of just so that I could leave. I didn’t care what I was telling them because I was a teenager that needed my freedom. I was selfish and wanted everything my way. I feel like because of my parents’ way of trying to control me, I figured the only way for them to let me go out was to be deceptive.
Throughout my freshman year of high school, my rebellious ways weren’t as bad as they used to be. I still had the same troubles of going out with friends and attending school functions. Once I began sophomore year, I began to prioritize my life. I segregated myself from bad influences, improved my grades and started to better myself. Something inside me clicked, I figured that what I was doing was not working and I needed to change my attitude. I learned that I didn’t need my parent’s approval, but rather my approval. My parents were so overprotective and strict that I was unable to do anything fun and productive. I thought, “why not join a sports team?” I joined my high schools’ softball team and loved it so much I played until my senior year of high school. I found something that I loved and embraced it. It gave me time away from my parents, time away for myself, and a good time without anyone telling me no.
My parents were negative and they tried to be subtle about it. I knew whatever I did would never be good enough and it dampened my outlook of life. They nitpicked about how I looked, how I dressed, what I ate, what I was currently doing at the moment, why wasn’t I reading more, why I was so skinny and every other little thing. I knew that my parents loved me but I felt like they smothered me with their love. I had no room to grow and become my own person. Now that I don’t live with them, it’s nice to not be constantly reminded of my imperfections. I am learning to love myself along with my flaws but it has not been an easy task. I have learned to not worry so much and to live life knowing that there will be uncontrollable circumstances that I will encounter. I know that when I have children of my own, I will not carry over the cycle of negativity and strictness so that it hinders their outlook on life. It is much easier to live life not constantly worrying about not meeting my parent’s expectations, but rather my own.
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